It’s not the lack of answers… It’s how you show up that matters most
Some questions can catch you off guard.
Not because they’re hard to understand.
But because they don’t have simple answers.
“Is the planet going to get worse?”
“What will happen in the future?”
“Do you know what’s going to happen?”
And in that moment…
You pause.
The discomfort of not knowing
As an adult, not having an answer can feel uncomfortable.
There’s a pull to:
Say the right thing
Offer certainty
Take the fear away
And in that space, you might:
Give a quick answer
Change the subject
Or say something that doesn’t fully support the moment
Not because you want to do it wrong.
But because you don’t know how to hold that uncertainty.
Not knowing is also valid
Something important often gets forgotten:
You don’t need to have all the answers.
And saying “I don’t know”…
Doesn’t harm your child.
When it comes with presence, it can feel more secure than a forced response.
What your child is really looking for
Even if the question sounds specific, often your child is not looking for exact information.
They’re looking for something deeper:
- To feel safe
- To trust
- To sense how you respond
That’s why your response is not only what you say.
It’s how you say it.
How to respond when you don’t know
This isn’t a formula.
It’s a way of being:
1. Give yourself a moment
You don’t have to respond right away.
2. Be honest
“I don’t have that answer right now."
Without fear. Without overexplaining.
3. Acknowledge the feeling
“I can see why that would make you wonder."
“that can feel unsettling."
4. Bring it back to the present
“right now we’re here."
“we’re together."
You don’t have to fill the silence
Sometimes the urge is to speak just to avoid discomfort.
But shared silence…
Can also support.
You don’t always need to fill the moment with words.
What your child learns from this
When you allow yourself not to know:
They don’t learn insecurity.
They learn something more important:
that not everything has an immediate answer…
and that this can be held.
You can come back to it later
If the question stays open, you can return to it.
Explore it together.
Talk about it calmly later on.
Not everything needs to be resolved in the moment.
🌿 Free Resource: Emotional Support Stories
We’ve created a set of short stories that include the following:
- Phrases for when you don’t have answers
- Emotional support in moments of uncertainty
- Reminders to stay present without pressure
📥 Access the Stories
(For those moments when you don’t know what to say.)
Closing reflection
Not knowing what to say doesn’t distance you from your child.
Pretending to know everything sometimes does.
Because what truly builds connection is not the perfect answer.
It’s something deeper:
Your ability to stay… even in uncertainty. 🌿
Y. Vargas. 💬💖
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